A song was on my mind when I got out of bed this morning. It seemed to surface on and off through the day as I went about doing other things. The song, written by Rusty Goodman and sung by his daughter,Tanya.asks the question,”Who am I?” As with many songs it awakened memories, especially my journey in the past four years.
Looking back it doesn’t seem possible that so many things have happened in so short a time. My thoughts go back to the year 2011 when my ordered life took an unexpected turn. My husband and I had dreams of growing old together but God had other plans.Three weeks after having a major stroke he went home to be with the Lord.
Suddenly there was an emptiness in the suite, an empty place in my heart. An unexpected phone call from a Publishing company launched me on writing and self publishing. Although that was an adventure and I thank God for that opportunity. I also invested in my spiritual growth by enrolling in a seminar on hearing the voice of God.
The course, “4 Keys To Hearing God’s voice” was taught by Mark Virkler from the Communion With God Ministries. I was familiar with two way prayer and had, for a number of years, journaled my prayers and God’s answers but I felt I had a lot to learn in this area. At my request I was assigned a personal trainer. She was a blessing.
To some people this sounds rather audacious to say I can hear God’s voice. Who am I that the Creator of the Universe would actually answer my questions? The song asks the question, “Who am I that the King would bleed and die for? Who am I that He would pray not my will, Thine Lord.”
I ask the question, “Who am I, that God, the Creator of the Universe would want that kind of relationship with me?” He speaks and I listen but back and forth conversation is different. In Psalm 8. David expressed a similar thought, “When I consider Thy heavens, the work of Thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which Thou hast ordained, what is man that Thou dost take thought of him?”
In 1 Cor 15:9 Paul said, “I am the least of the apostles who am not fit to be called an apostle because I persecuted the church of God.” When I come to approach the presence of Almighty God, I see my own unworthiness. Isaiah said, “Woe is me, for I am ruined! Because I am a man of unclean lips!” (Isaiah 6)
Some people will scoff and say it is a bunch of foolishness and I am a foolish person for believing that I could hear God speaking to me specifically about things that I need answers to. I have not heard His audible voice but there are people who say they have and I believe them. God chooses what the world calls foolish.
1 Cor 1:26-31 “But consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised, God has chosen, the things that are not, that He might nullify the things that are, that no man should boast before God..” I can not boast in anything I do, I can only boast in what Christ has done for me..
WHO AM I by Charles “Rusty” Goodman
When I think of how He came so far from glory, came to dwell among the lowly such as I, to suffer shame and such disgrace, on Mount Calvary take my place, then I ask myself the question, “Who am I?”
When I’m reminded of His words, I’ll leave Him never. If you’ll be true I’ll give to you life forever. Oh I wonder what I could have done, to deserve God’s only Son, to fight my battles until they’re won, for who am I?
Who am I that the King would bleed and die for? Who am I that He would pray,not My will, Thine Lord. The answer I may never know, why He ever loved me so. But to that old, rugged cross He’d go, for who am I?